Through my career, I’ve been honored to be someone people feel safe confiding in about their frustrations, heartache, ideas, passions in their various workplaces. This only increased over the years as I built relationships, establishing a reputation… and of course since starting the Relationships at Work podcast three and a half years ago.

What’s really stood out to me is the loneliness of leaders.

Generally, good leaders feel alone because of how they think about and approach work and how it doesn’t always align with those around and above them. They’re good leaders—wanting to learn, wanting to feel connected to their workplace, their bosses and executives, wanting to be part of the values and vision of the organization…all while focusing on people. And those around them have different ideas of what success and status quo should look like. These great leaders often feel like “leadership” is just a word others use, not one they actually practice.

I spoke with one leader who had been in their role for a couple of years and was continually frustrated that their boss wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t engage, wouldn’t champion the team or its ideas, and wouldn’t support any growth. Essentially, he was expecting his “leader” to be something he wasn’t—a leader. As things didn’t change, his frustration grew, and his mental health suffered.

When leaders look around and don’t see leadership they want to model, they grow quiet. They feel alone. They feel disconnected. They feel disengaged.

Ever feel like this?

Here’s what we have to remember in these moments: We are not, and never will be, alone. Others are going through the same struggles. And they can become an incredible community of support—both informally and formally—even when we can’t rely on those in our hierarchical structure.

There are others who want to learn, want to mentor, want to listen, want to engage, and want to prioritize time for growth with those who also want to improve as leaders.

If we find ourselves in this frustrating situation, it’s time to stop looking up and start looking around for those who get it.

The Question:

How do you build a leadership community when you feel disconnected from your own leaders?

The Actions:

1️⃣ Seek Out Like-Minded Peers in Your Organization & Beyond – Connect with colleagues at your level or in other departments who share your values and commitment to leadership. These peers can become an informal advisory group where you share challenges, ideas, and encouragement.

2️⃣ Create or Join Leadership Networks – Establish a leadership circle or discussion group where leaders can openly talk about struggles and strategies. This could be a regular lunch group, a Slack channel, or an internal mentoring program. If one doesn’t exist, start it. What better way to demonstrate leadership?

3️⃣ Engage in External Communities – Look beyond your organization for leadership support. Professional associations, industry groups, LinkedIn communities, or even leadership podcasts (like Relationships at Work) can provide inspiration, mentorship, and a sense of belonging that might be missing at work.

I will note—there’s a lot of value in virtual communities. But I’d also suggest balancing it with real-world interactions. There’s just a different energy and added weight when you’re in the same space as people who think like you and connect with you.

And finally, don’t waste too much time putting stock in people who don’t put the same stock in you. If those around you aren’t leading, this is your opportunity to build the relationships at work that will support your own well-being and growth.

Leaders, you’re not alone . You may actually have a community of growth and support waiting for you to join.