Welcome back to Relationships At Work – A leadership podcast helping you build workplace connection, improve culture, and avoid blind spots. I’m your host Russel Lolacher

I’m a communications and leadership nerd with a couple of decades of experience and a heap of curiosity on how we can make the workplace better.

This mini-episode is a quick and valuable bit of information to help your mindset for the week ahead.

Inspired by our R@W Note Newsletter, I’m passing on to you…

The Journey of Finding Missing Mentorship

I’m going to let you in on a failure of mine. One I’m not proud of and continues to be a frustration for me.

I’ve never really had a formal mentor. Ever.

I’ve tried. Oh I’ve tried. I’ve reached out to a few individuals, those I felt could provide me with insight and direction on career paths I thought I wanted… but they washed out in a few weeks. One cancelled on me because they were leaving the province and were rethinking their own career. One just didn’t really feel mentor-y enough to show up. A few didn’t “click” as we had different definitions of success and leadership so any steps they recommended didn’t resonate with me.

Could I try harder? Yes. Has the frustration and failure derailed me from doing so? Yes.

Now, I have had mentors. In books I’ve read. Films I’ve watched. Biographies I’ve learned. Informally they’ve resonated with me and shown me paths I’ve never thought possible.

So why can’t I find these types of people in real life? Is it me?

I mean we talk a lot about mentorship as a part of leadership — especially for those just starting out. But what we don’t talk about enough is how many people are walking around without finding the right mentors to actually help them grow.

Mentorship isn’t just about having someone with more experience. It’s about having someone who challenges your thinking, helps you zoom out, and isn’t afraid to ask the tough questions. Someone who sees your potential, but doesn’t sugarcoat the truth. And we need these people at every stage of our careers.

Hell, I’d still love one.

So I did a little digging and found some suggestions to the question:

The Question: How do I find a mentor that matters to me?

The Action(s):

• Look for honesty, not just experience – Yes, experience matters. But experience without the willingness to reflect and share candidly? That’s just a résumé. A mentor worth your time will speak openly about their own missteps and what they learned. They’ll be vulnerable and open. They won’t pretend to have all the answers — they’ll help you discover better questions. So find someone who gives real feedback, not just polite nods. Someone who’s not trying to impress you with how far they’ve come, but is more focused on how far youcan go. That level of honesty is what sets a mentor apart from a casual advisor or a well-meaning boss.
• Start with a conversation, not a contract – You don’t need to walk up to someone and say, “Will you be my mentor?” I think I might have done this. But, as you can imagine, that’s not how trust is built. Start small. Reach out to someone whose insight you admire and ask for 15 minutes to get their perspective on a specific challenge you’re facing. Be clear, be respectful, and be curious. See how the conversation feels — was it insightful? Was it mutual? Did you walk away with clarity, not just clichés? Mentorship isn’t something you assign. It’s something that unfolds. The most effective mentor relationships often begin organically, through repeated conversations that earnthe title over time.
• Choose challenge over comfort – The best mentors will make you squirm a little. Not because they’re unkind — but because they hold you accountable to your growth. They’ll challenge your assumptions, ask about your intentions, and make you rethink that decision you’ve been rationalizing.And that’s exactly what you need. Comfort is great for friendship. But mentorship? That’s where we need someone who will hold up the mirror — and stay beside us as we wrestle with what we see. Growth doesn’t happen in echo chambers. A great mentor gives you perspective you didn’t know you were missing, and encourages you to stretch into it.

We don’t need a mentor. We need the right mentor — someone who sees our potential, respects our values, and cares enough to challenge us. Researching this article and being vulnerable about my own failures has inspired me to try again. I hope it’s nudged you as well.

So let’s go find those mentors that don’t just answer our questions, but help us ask better ones for our own leadership journey.